


Love you for a thousand years

by louissass



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Angst, Basically, Established Relationship, M/M, but he does love him, louis cant tell harry he loves him
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-13
Updated: 2014-04-13
Packaged: 2018-01-17 23:08:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,319
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1406014
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/louissass/pseuds/louissass
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"I love you," Harry mumbles.</p>
<p>Louis just kisses his forehead and rolls over. "G'night, Harry."</p>
<p>Or<br/>Harry loves Louis but Louis can't find the words to tell him he feels the same.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Love you for a thousand years

**Author's Note:**

> Hii!
> 
> I apologise in advance for my horrible writing, I have my reasons for writing this, even though it makes little sense really...
> 
> Also what is with the title? I don't even know anymore..I pity my future kids.
> 
> My tumblr is [millionairelouis](http://millionairelouis.tumblr.com) come hit me up!
> 
> Hablo Pablo porfavor muchas gracias arividerci xox

"Lou?"

"Yeah, Haz?" Louis sighs, holding his curly haired boy close to his chest.

"I love you," Harry mumbles.

Louis just kisses his forehead and rolls over. "G'night, Harry."

It's not that Louis doesn't love Harry with all his heart, _because he does_ , it's just he doesn't know how to say it. Louis' never been very good with words, _actions speak louder_ , that's his motto, and Louis knows Harry knows that, but he can't very well just flat out ignore the disappointed sigh that leaves his boyfriend's lips. Thing is, Louis doesn't even blame him, it's not as if Harry's rushing him into it - they've been in a relationship, a _proper_ relationship, not just fooling around in empty dressing rooms before an interview, well over a year now, and Louis still hasn't said it yet.

And this isn't even the first time Harry said it, either. In fact, Harry says it quite a lot, really, but Louis can never find it in himself to reply. Honestly, he's waiting for the time when Harry says _'I love you'_ and Louis doesn't reply, and they argue about it, and Harry leaves, because really, that's the only outcome Louis can see at the moment. It's not even that he wants Harry to leave, because he _loves_ him, but if he were Harry, he would've left a long time ago.

The problem Louis has with not being able to say it, it's not even that he sees how it hurts Harry - well that _is_ it, that's pretty much the main reason - but its the fact that maybe not being able to say it out loud is because he just, doesn't. Maybe he doesn't love Harry, maybe he and Harry aren't destined to be together, and this was just a fling that got out of hand. And Louis _knows_ that's not true, he knows in his heart that he and Harry are like, soul mates or something, so why, why can't he just, _say it._

Harry rolls over as well and kisses Louis' shoulder, one arm wrapped around his waist, he does this to show he's not mad, it's okay, but Louis knows its not. "Night, Lou."

Louis wonders how this gorgeous boy is still willing to completely and utterly give himself over to him, when he can't even say that he loves him, when he's so young, so pretty, he could have any one he wanted, but yet he still holds on to Louis, forever in doubt if Louis loves him back. He does, it's just, Harry has never heard him say it, so how can he be sure?

Louis doesn't sleep that night.

***

Instead, he lays awake, thinking back to every time Harry said 'I love you'.

He remembers the first time, they were sitting on a jetty of the lake in Doncaster, Louis had brought Harry along to meet his family. Some girls had come up and asked them for photos, which they gladly gave, before going back to paddling their feet in the cold water.

"Your mum and Mark look really in love," He'd said, all out of the blue, but Louis could tell Harry'd been thinking about it for a while, the way his lip was carefully tucked in between his teeth.

"Yeah," Louis'd agreed, because they really did.

"I wish my mum would find someone else she loves,"

Louis'd bit his lip at that, not wanting to upset the gorgeous boy with the gorgeous curls. "Yeah she's got that...guy, hasn't she?"

"Robin," 

"Yeah," Louis'd sighed, smiling. "Robin."

"I mean I guess," Harry'd shrugged, fiddling with a leaf on the jetty, "I think she's happy, my mum, but she could be happier, y'know?"

"Well, how long have they been together?"

Harry had shrugged again at this point, almost looking sulky. "I dunno, a few years maybe,"

"Maybe they just need more time, people don't fall in love straight away," Louis'd meant for it to be comforting, and he'd really hoped that's how it came off to Harry. He never wanted to make Harry sad.

"I did," Harry'd replied almost instantly. Louis had gasped, he knew what Harry'd meant, the look he'd given Louis at that precise moment, Louis had known Harry was talking about him. That didn't mean he'd wanted to believe it.

"I fell in love with you straight away,"

It was still a knock to Louis' brain as the words had settled in his ears. Harry'd played with the sleeve of his jumper uneasily, almost as if he was worried about what he was saying, but Louis hadn't even been able to comprehend comforting him. He'd just gulped and stayed quiet.

"I love you, Louis."

That was the confirmation, Harry loved Louis. The bad thing was, that Louis had looked so scared, he knows he had, but he'd known he loved Harry right back. And when he'd opened his mouth to say just that, it was almost as if he had lost the ability to speak. He hadn't been able to.

Harry had sighed after a while, knowing he wasn't going to get a response and kissed Louis' forehead. "We should get back,"

"Yeah," Louis'd agreed, like the coward he is.

***

Louis remembers the time Harry said it in front of the boys.

The two of them had been fooling around, the way couples do, in front of the boys, just because they knew how much it'd annoyed them. They'd been kissing and cuddling on the sofa of their shared dressing room, and after various sick noises from Liam and Zayn, cooing from Niall, they'd finally cut them some slack. Louis still remembers the way Harry'd pouted like a cute puppy when he'd clambered off the other boy's lap.

Louis'd got up and started messing around with the feather boa he'd found on the clothes rack, wrapping it around his neck and over-exagerrating acting like a girl. All the boys were laughing, and that's exactly how Louis liked it. He'd flipped his hair a few times, wiggled his hips, and then then he'd winked cheekily at Harry. Harry'd burst out into laughter at that, demanding a strip tease.

Louis'd decided to go Moulin Rouge style, Liam and Niall were humming some awful version of one of the songs, and started moving the feather boa back and forth on his shoulders, walking - what he'd hoped was sexily - over to Harry in the chair. Louis specifically remembers to try to not get Harry or himself hard, because that would've been awkward to explain in the interview. So that was his reason for not sitting on Harry's lap. He did slut drop, though.

The boys were howling in laughter at this point, Niall clapping his hands wildly as Liam carried on with the tune, somewhat shakily.

"Louis you have no idea how much I absolutely love you right now, mate," Niall had said, making Louis smirk. He knew Niall meant it brotherly, and he loved it when Niall said things like that, because it meant Louis had done something truly hilarious, enough to make Niall wet his pants. That made Louis proud, and somewhat happy.

"I love you more," Harry had said calmly, smiling and biting his top lip.

Louis had faintly heard the other boys gasp, all laughter ceasing, but really, he'd been more focused on trying to not let his face completely drop. He had not been expecting that one, that's for sure. The feather boa had dropped for his shoulders, and was now dragging on the floor, where he held it with one hand. Louis' eyes had bulged out of his head as he'd stared at Harry, unsure what to say. Hell, what was he even supposed to say to that.

"Boys, you're on in two," a lady, Louis didn't remember her name, said, poking her head round the door and Louis had visibly sighed, off the hook again.

When they were back in the dressing room, after the interview, no one had said anything about Harry's little confession, but Louis knows they'd wanted to.

***

Thing about Louis, is he's a coward. A big fat whopper of a coward. Louis remembers one time he promised his best friend he'd stand up to this guy for him, but then he saw the guy's muscles, and ran away, hiding under his shell like he always does.

Harry knows he's a coward, as well, Louis has mentioned it enough times, and yet still he gets upset when Louis can't put himself out there. Which, okay, Louis can't really blame him for that, seeing as he's the one letting the boy down, but he can't help but feel a little annoyed that the next morning Harry is sulking. Not like, normal ' _my tea went cold so I can't drink it_ ' sulking, more like ' _my boyfriend can't say he loves me and he's a massive prick_ ' sulking. Frankly, Louis can't stand the silence.

He put up with it through breakfast, even getting dressed, not to mention lunch, a few hours ago, but now Louis wants to go out with Harry, like on a date, but he doesn't even know if he's allowed to talk to him, and that's driving him up the walls.

"We're going out," he says finally,

"Where?"

"Surprise," Louis grins, hoping Harry will grin in response, but he just frowns. Harry loves surprises.

"Where are we going?"

Louis is taken aback by the aggression in Harry's voice, but doesn't comment on it. "You'll see when we get there."

"What if I say I'm not going?" Harry says, folding his arms over his chest.

"Let's go," Louis replies with a light roll of his eyes. He's still hoping this is a joke and Harry's only pretending to be angry with him.

Louis reaches out for Harry, but the younger boy steps back. "I'm not going."

"Harry, you're being ridiculous," he sighs, smiling reassuringly at the boy to show he's not mad. He's anxious.

"I don't think I am."

"Well you are," Louis replies, just as nonchalantly.

"Why can't you just tell me?" Harry asks, exasperated.

"Because-"

"Because you don't actually mean it? Because you can't, you don't know how?" Harry says, his voice raised, and Louis has a feeling they aren't talking about the trip any more.

"Harry-"

"Why can't you just say it, Louis?" He yells, it's definitely a yell. "Is it because you don't love me?"

"You know I do." Louis tries, but Harry is having none of it.

"Say it, then. If you love me, tell me."

Louis stands there for a while, his eyes wide open, not really sure of what to do. He decides yes, he can do this, so he takes a deep breath and looks into Harry's teary eyes. He can do this. He opens his mouth, ready to speak, his lips form words around the silent letters and that's when he realises he can't, he just can't.

Harry realises too and laughs bitterly. "Goodbye, Louis."

And then he's gone, out the door, before Louis can even blink.

"I love you,"

Well, at least he actually knows how to say it, a moment too late.

***

In the midst of booze and loud, depressing music, Louis realises he needs a new strategy. A strategy to help him tell Harry he loves him, because Harry has only been gone for three and a bit hours, and Louis already feels like he's missing a limb (or maybe a heart, maybe that's the point).

He jots down a few ideas on a post-it, ones that are hardly legible, let alone actually sensible (number 3. on the list read _'carve it into fruit and make him eat my love'_ ) and leans back on the sofa, before passing out.

Louis dreams about Harry, he sees his beautiful face, curly hair, mesmerising eyes that capture anyone's attention, and he sees his body- _god_ , his body. Louis gets hard in his dream just thinking about Harry's abs. Dream-Harry laughs, a full, beautiful, Harry laugh, the one he only lets out on occasion, it's only been captured on film once, Louis thinks, but he's definitely heard it enough times. Dream-Harry wraps his broad arms around Louis' waist, curling into his neck and Louis sighs. Why can't he just tell this boy he loves him? There is no doubt in Louis' mind that they were made for each other, so why cant he just tell Harry that?

It's ridiculous because Louis knows exactly why, and that only makes him even more frustrated.

Louis knows, the reason he can't say he loves Harry is because he's scared. He's scared that Harry won't love him back. Which is utterly ridiculous, because Harry _tells_ Louis he loves him enough, that anyone would think he knew by now. But Louis doesn't know. Because he is insecure and doubtful and he over-analyses things way too much and- well, he's been hurt before, really. His dad left him, then Mark - who he considers to be his real dad - he left too, not forgetting Hannah. Louis was definitely in love with Hannah, but she didn't love him enough to stick around, and _Eleanor_ , Eleanor says she loves him all the time, but she does it for the cameras, so really, Louis hasn't ever been loved by anyone before. And the thought of that scares the shit out of him.

Louis knows he's a wussy baby and he needs to get over himself. But hey, we all have the little teenage girl screaming inside us, sometimes she has to come out. It seems she comes out in Louis' dreams, apparently. 

He is woken up by a phone ringing loudly in his ear. It's Liam.

"Louis Tomlinson will you please explain to me why Zayn just called me to say there is a certain crying curly haired boy locked in his bedroom?" Liam shouts down the phone, before Louis even has a chance to reply. Louis winces.

"Harry's crying?" He slurs, wiping his hands over his own face, only to reveal that he's been crying as well. Louis cried in his sleep. Brilliant.

"Yes, what did you do?" Liam says accusingly.

Louis narrows his eyes and makes a small disbelieving noise. "What makes you think it was me?"

"Because you're drunk, and if it wasn't you, Harry wouldn't be at Zayn's."

"Fair enough," Louis shrugs, tracing the top of the bottle on the sofa next to him.

"Louis," Liam says in a warning tone.

Louis sighs, "He's mad at me because I can't tell him, even though he knows I do, but he wants me to say it, and I can't say it, Li, I just can't."

"You can't say what?"

"That I love him," Louis grumbles begrudgingly.

"You haven't said it yet?" Louis doesn't say anything, "Louis, you've been together for fifteen months, and Harry's worn his heart on his sleeve the whole time, I'm not surprised he's upset. In fact, I'm surprised it took him this long to snap, I would've chucked you out ages ago."

"Harry wouldn't do that," Louis says defensively, though he's not sure if he believes it or not.

Liam is silent for a moment, and when he speaks, Louis detects something strange in his voice. "Because he loves you, right?"

"Yeah..."

"Do you love him?"

"Don't be an idiot, Liam," Louis scoffs, Liam doesn't say anything. "Of course I love him."

"It was a valid question mate," Liam says defensively. Louis shrugs. "You need to tell him,"

"Don't you think I know that," he seethes, briefly thinking he should stop being rude to Liam, he's only trying to help after all. "It's not as easy as that though."

"Why not?"

Louis shrugs, "It just isn't."

"What's stopping you from telling him, Lou?"

"A lot," he mutters smally, not really wanting to have this conversation, not right now.

"You know that if you don't tell me now, I'll just come over and force it out of you, don't you?" Liam warns.

Louis just sighs, nodding a little. "Yeah."

"Louis," Liam sighs when Louis doesn't make any effort of explaining further. But Liam doesn't understand, Louis _can't_ explain it, he just can't.

"What was that," Louis says to himself, putting his hand over the speaker to muffle his voice. "Coming mum! I've got to go Liam, bye."

"Louis, your mum isn't eve-" Louis hangs up the phone and throws it on the cushion next to him. He'll tell Harry one day, he thinks, not today, not right now. Right now he's in need of more alcohol. Louis drags himself off the sofa and stumbles to the hall, slipping on some shoes, before staggering out the door and making his way to the offie round the corner.

 ***

Louis ends up being out for about two hours. He buys three bottles of vodka and decides to go for a walk, maybe the fresh air will do him good, he thinks. Being mindful to keep out of the open air and attract too much attention, Louis ambles to Hyde Park, sits himself down by the base of a tree in the woodland and drinks half a bottle of vodka in about twenty minutes. After passing out and waking up again, Louis realises that was a bad idea, and he already has a hangover. Great, just great.

So he staggers back to his flat as the sun sets, cradling his head and wincing every time a car goes past particularly fast, or an angry driver bibs their horn. Louis is sad when he reaches the stairs and remembers that Harry is upset with him, Harry is at Zayn's and crying because of _him_. Louis wants to cry as well.

Its only when he gets to his front door that he realises he's locked himself out. "Fuck."

Louis doesn't even know why he says anything, because it's not as if anyone would hear him. Harry's not even here and they have the only flat on this floor, so really that was completely pointless. Even so, he continues to curse at himself and slaps himself in the face a few times, before deciding that isn't helping his headache and resumes to calling himself a tosser.

"Jesus Christ Louis, this is all your fault," he says to himself, "if you could just bloody tell the boy you love that you well, that you _love him,_ this wouldn't have happened. Fucking hell, you really are the most pathetic human being in the history of-"

His curse is cut short when the door swings open, to reveal a red, puffy eyed Harry standing in it's place, a small smile gracing his lips. Louis doesn't know what to do, or say, so he doesn't. He just stands there, mouth open like a fish as he wonders if he is dreaming, or possibly still drunk.

"So I got your post-it," Harry says softly, Louis gulps. 

"And?" He replies nervously, throat dry and head dizzy. Harry just smiles even wider.

"And if you write it in the sky or sing it to me, I don't care, as long as you mean it,"

Louis grins (did he really write that stuff? That's really sappy... and also quite do-able) and falls easily into Harry's open arms. "I do mean it, I promise, it's just,"

"I don't even want to know," he says, "You have your reasons, and that's okay, just as long as you do love me as much as I love you, everything is okay."

"I do, Harry, I really do," Louis mumbles, willing himself not to cry.

"Sorry for being mad and running off,"

"Sorry for being a prick and making you mad," he returns, chuckling dryly. Harry hums in response, and Louis reckons Harry is allowed to call him a prick, just this once. He'll sort it out tomorrow, he thinks, after his hang over is gone and he and Harry are relatively back to normal, _then_ he'll tell him how he feels. He will, he promises.

**Author's Note:**

> I might write a sequel to this?? Comment if you want me to :D
> 
> Otherwise, comment/kudos and show me you love it when i make a fool of myself
> 
> Until the next time xox


End file.
